If there is anything that motherhood has taught me most, it is that there is no such thing as perfection. This however, is a hard pill for me to swallow. You see, I am a perfectionist. My biggest insecurity is that I am not enough, as a mama or as a woman. I MUST be able to do it all and do it all well.
I think in some way, I have tricked myself that being “perfect” will prove that I am capable, lovable, valuable and independent. Will I ever really be good enough? If I strive to be perfect, I can create a mask that tells the world yes and hopefully makes myself believe it too.
But how exhausting is this? Not only do I face the mama wars of the world, but I have created a war within myself. Thank you perfectionism – but you are no longer my friend.
Let’s be honest here: motherhood has kicked my ass and I have fallen flat on my face. I have failed. I have cried. I have struggled. I have questioned and I have judged. I have felt like giving up, almost every single day.
BUT – I have also felt joy and love. I have found strength I never knew existed. And I have learned to love myself more than I ever thought possible. I have fallen off the merry go round of perfectionism. And I have learned what is really important in this life.
I am letting go of perfect so I may be the present mama I desire. I am letting go of a clean home, of a daily shower, of the mama status I planned and I am being in the moment. I am playing, I am watching, I am talking, I am reading, I am cuddling, I am loving, and I am listening. None of it is tidy, none of it is perfect, but all of it is wonderful.
Won’t you join me, mama?